This is the last piece, I think, in my latest collage series. I am rather attached to these colors though, so I'm sure I'll find other ways to use this palette. Speaking of other, I planned to title this piece "Hope." Then I started thinking - usually my first mistake:) - about the article I'd read on Rat Race Trap about shifting from hoping to wondering, and how it helps avoid disappointment.
It's a good read; author Stephen Mills talks about how, when what we hope for doesn't happen, our hopes are dashed. His intent certainly isn't to promote pessimism. Far from it; he cites Susan Jeffers' book, Embracing Uncertainty, and her premise that, since we have little - or no - control over the future of our art, our jobs, our children, that if we merely wonder, there is no outcome attached to those hopes. It removes the pressure from the future. Same goes for wishing and wanting.
I find that idea so appealing... instead of hoping that my guardian angel is watching over me, I can simply wonder where she hovers; I don't have to hope that my daughter, a naturally talented, skilled ballerina will decide that she doesn't want to quit after 8 years of commitment. I wonder, instead, if she'll rediscover her passion, or find a new outlet for her creative expression.
Instead of hoping that you will like this collage, or find something about it to relate to, I wonder if you will appreciate it and the fact that I still struggle so to find my own authentic voice that is screaming rather loudly, but packed under so much resistance that it sounds like a foreign language. I wonder if all the years I spent running a business have clouded my vision for this part of the journey, slowed by this darned illness that sets my pace at half-speed. As an aside, if it weren't for this illness I doubt I'd be making art, or having such delightful, meaningful relationships with so many incredible people (you) in blog-land. But I do wonder if I'll discover a way to put my talents to use in a way that benefits others... kind of like a career.
Now I sound like I'm doubting Mills' approach, but I'm not. I may just read Jeffers' book and use it as a too to supplement the incredible coaching class I'm immersed in, led by Patti Digh, author of Life is a Verb, and David Robinson, visual artist and organizational innovator (coach:). Those two are another story.
And I hope, wonder rather, if you'll read further and find it helpful. I just don't think that, for me anyway, it's so easy, like flipping a switch. It's going to take a lot of practice. For now, my head can wonder but my heart still hopes.